The Twenty-First Search

photo by Alec Lesser

I’ve cut ties with you but the string is still wrapping around my membrane

holding together the memories of what felt right.

Nebulous sentiments I made certain.

I’ve told some I love them and confronted those I’ve given love to

later realizing tenderness doesn’t traverse uncertainty.

You may not make your way back to me each time.

I’ve let go of parts of me un-serving,

but I wear them as layers, unraveling

to share when your truths are worn bare.

I am finally who I’ve said I was, along with who I want to be.

…an elusive combination of previous desires and dreams

I haven’t slept with yet.

I am so glad to be alone in this moment.

Maybe you can hear me

telling the you of me tomorrow, how much I’ve loved me today,

and will love you more tomorrow.

I am grateful infinitely

Filled with an unwavering love to love,

content with knowing I can’t take anything I’ve gotten to the end,

I seek to leave behind all I can give.

Take me away from my notion of self.

I won’t get lost

I am already found in a part of us

and I find myself here, maybe sometimes better than I do in me.