Magical Girl Syndrome
If I were to write the story of my life, I think it would be called Magical Girl Syndrome. When I was younger my idols were Sailor Moon and Cardcaptor Sakura. They were pretty and magical—normal badass girls. I believed that I had that same magic. I could save the day with love and friendship. I could achieve anything with my own happiness. That’s what I wanted to reflect in my art the most—strong, magical, girls.
I was once told that the world isn’t magical, I strongly rebuffed that statement.
“If the world isn’t magical, then I’ll be!”
I don’t think I was naïve back then, I was just unaware.
Unaware of how I sad I could get.
How hard it is to bounce back when people hurt you.
How just because you’re passionate about animation doesn’t mean you’re automatically going to be given a job.
How you can fall short of your own expectations.
I saw such a drastic change in my art in the last year because I was so depressed, whenever I got worked up, I would just draw. Draw then post for the world to see. The things I was scared to say, the feelings I didn’t want to feel anymore, I put them in my art. Tears had become such a recurring thing in my drawings. I wanted to show that I was sad, I was hurt, but I am still trying my best. I found resilience and inspiration in my sadness. I would always feel anxiety whenever I posted something-
How could I just bare myself out there like that?
But I was met with so many people who related and most importantly validated not only me, but also my art and the feelings that came with that. I didn’t want to focus on what other artists were doing that I wasn’t or what I thought an animator should draw like anymore.
Because I am me. I know there is something I could do. I can put myself in my art and people will appreciate that. I can draw these fragile, crazy, strong, magical characters. I can make characters that represent that anxious black girl with hair too curly and too much love in her heart for her own good.